this view was so distracting, even in the middle of my race

Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice

But Samuel replied,

"What is more pleasing to the Lord:

your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice?

Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,

and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft,

and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols.

So because you have rejected the command of the Lord,

he has rejected you as king."

What exactly is going on in this passage?

God told Saul to wipe out all of the Amalekites- He wanted to obliterate the entire nation.

So Saul went out and slaughtered the Amalekite people. But he left the king alive. And he took the best of their livestock and possessions, destroying "only what was worthless or of poor quality."

And THEN (this is pathetic) it says he went to the town of Carmel "to set up a monument to himself." Narcissistic much?

First, Saul was supposed to do all this in the name of the LORD, so the fact that he built a monument in celebration of "his" achievements is sinfully ironic.

Second, he blatantly disobeyed God by sparing the king's life and plundering the Amalekites.

When Samuel called Saul out on this, he gave the classic white lie response:

""But I did obey the Lord,' Saul insisted. 'I carried out the mission he gave me. I brought back King Agag, but I destroyed everyone else. Then my troops brought in the best of the sheep, goats, cattle, and plunder to sacrifice to the LORD your God in Gilgal."

And that's where we pick up with Samuel's monologue on obedience versus sacrifices.

Saul was self righteous. He wanted to offer God a sacrifice in hopes of earning God's favor. But the Lord wanted a submissive heart.

Just read Psalm 51 and you'll see God is really into hearts that are humble before Him:

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering.

The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

That was David talking. David was a man after God's own heart. Saul, a king rejected by the LORD.

Moving on to greener pastures, but thankful for the dry seasons

This year that I have spent living in Greenville, Illinois has been the most revealing, stretching, and unique one so far in my life. It's been vital to my growth. I try to imagine what my life would look like had I not made the journey to the land without mountains, oceans, or evergreens and converted my life to a timezone two hours ahead of the only schedule I had ever known. I have had to cling to Jesus more than ever before. Even more so than when I traveled alone to France at the young age of 17! I have had to deal with people so far removed from my solar system that only an active, engaging love could transport me to their world. I have endured weeks upon weeks of loneliness. But God was so faithful. He provided everything I need to survive under such conditions: Himself.

But if I hadn't gone through all of the above, that answer still wouldn't be good enough for me. See, contentment is a gift. God gives it to you, but we don't always understand it. He has given us everything we need in Christ Jesus. And everything else included is just a blessing added on.

I am so thankful for my year spent stranded in the Midwest. It has made me grateful for the mountains, beyond thankful for my irreplaceable friends back home, and forever conscience of God's sustaining grace.

Things are about to change for me. I'm thinking they'll change for the better (God only knows) but either way, I am to be content. So as I move on to a future that I can't help but consider as brighter and more hopeful, don't forget that Jesus is the only thing that will satisfy you, whether in plenty or in need.

Here's to next year!

7 months of pondering and now I can finally articulate it

When I was in France this summer I met this girl who told me something I will never forget. She listened to me express my goals, dreams, and desires for the future, as well as my frustrations with the present. Then she looked me in the eye and asked, "But are we trying to get somewhere? I don't think that's the point." She presented me with two basic ends to this mindset. "Either you arrive at your goal and then have to find a new one, or you try so hard to obtain it but then fall short and it leaves you completely frustrated."

I instantly grasped the depth of what she was saying. My whole world is a dynamic balance between both ends of the pendulum. So many times I've been stuck in the "Now what?" after trying so hard achieve something, and then succeeding. It is an empty cycle, ironically unfulfilling. I have also fallen short of my ambitions, and that too leaves you feeling empty. In fact, this is most often the case for me. No wonder I project such a negative reality: I'm afraid of failing, because it happens a lot, even to the best of us.

As I swallowed the thickness of her statement, I asked her if she had an alternative way of living then, since she just shattered mine. And she had a pretty good one.

"It's about living each moment for the glory of God, and searching for the Heaven that's already on earth."

Her plans to spend her last few weeks in France rock climbing and traveling had been impeded when she sprained her ankle working as a camp counselor. Instead, she had to return home to the States early. "I didn't expect it to happen like this. But, you know, it's alright. I found a lot of God this summer, a lot people, and a lot of Heaven. I saw the Kingdom in the lives of these kids."

Her response blew me away, because quite honestly I had spent that week sulking in my disappointments with how my summer had passed. I had been hoping for so much more out of it, but as I did not arrive at where I had intended to go, I was left frustrated. It was just as she had described that end to me.

In that moment, I wanted so bad to look back on the events of the summer and see what God had been up to. Whatever He was doing, I seemed to have missed it. I was too absorbed in myself and my ambitions. But I began to realize that the Lord's work had affected me none the less. He had brought so many amazing and monumental people into my life that summer. And the girl I was talking to now was one of them.

So after that brief, valuable conversation, I had a lot to sort through in my mind. My whole life was wrapped around the idea that I had to get somewhere with it. The fact that I could just take one moment at a time and enjoy it brought so much freedom. It was so appealing.

Sadly, I slip back into my old "get there" mindset on a regular basis. But that whole perspective is based on the assumption that I have a long life to live. How the heck do I know how long my life will last? I don't. So that is why I am determined to take each day as it comes and search for the bit of the Kingdom that God wants to reveal to me while I am on earth.