Home for Christmas

I am so blessed. Sometimes it takes leaving for a long time to make you realize what you have at home. For example: Mountains. A family with big hearts. An amazing church that loves Jesus and His people. Friends who make you want to wake up each day with a smile on your face. A valley full of familiarity and sentimentality. A dog who will patiently lie in your lap as you write a blog. Thank you Jesus!

Snowshoeing on Christmas Day.

Last-minute hesitations

It's hard to go back after being gone so long. I'm afraid that it will seem as if nothing has changed and yet everything will have changed. Or that it will feel like everything is different, when in reality everything is just as I left it. Did I really spend these 6 months traveling, learning, living only to come full circle and end up right where I began? I hope I have grown from who I was then. I hope I have progressed. If not, what was the point?

Maybe it's that I want to come back transformed and new while everyone at home remains just as they were. But if I have changed, I can count on the fact that they have two.

It shall be a sharp awakening when people who once were assemble like parts to create something beautiful no longer fit together as one into the mold.

Is it I who has disturbed the sweet unity? Is it them, did they change?

No, it is the inevitable outcome of us all changing.

These are the exaggerated and over-dramatic fears of an 18 year-old who has just lived through her longest period of time away from to date.

Ça va aller, je promets. Je survivrai.

I'm Coming Home To You (The Final Week)

"After six years, I was at last returning to my homeland; and ever since I had decided on this departure, my impatience had never ceased to grow; it was as if i were in the grip of a fever. For all those years of exile, one's native land- whatever one does, and despite the generosity or the hospitality one finds in other countries- will always be something more than just a patch of earth: it is the Earth itself! It is one's family and one's friends, it is a familiar horizon and ways of life which the heart within one may well retain, but which it never willingly exposes to reality, never willingly surrenders over and over again to reality. At the end of this voyage, my great homeland was beckoning to me."
- Camara Laye

I stumbled upon this in a book called "A Dream of Africa." The first page pulled me immediately: I feel the exact same way as the speaker!! Except for one minor difference. He had been away for 6 years. Me, a meager 6 months. But 6 months feels like forever, let me tell you.

Here's to sweet homecoming and redeeming reunions with the ones we love!

Cheers.

Things I will always be thankful for

1. A God who sees, loves, and saves me.

http://this-means-love.tumblr.com/post/13743717094/the-words-to-this-hymn-are-a-treasure

2. Having a significant somewhere, something, and someone to go home to. I love my family, my friends, my house, my puppy, my church, and my hometown.

3. There is always hope. Some days I feel it more than others. But there is always hope to cling to, even if it's only that of Heaven and future glory with Christ.

4. Music.

I love to create it, listen to it, and think and talk about it.

A new album gives my life a fresh perspective.

Playing music with friend fills my spirit with joy.

Singing songs to the Lord renews my strength.

5. For the adventures I have thus far enjoyed. While 6 months away from home seems like an eternity, I will never forget the quirky, crazy, and enlightening experiences I have encountered.

"There's a lot that I don't know, there's a lot that I'm still learning."

6. The Christmas season. It means so much more to me now that I will be returning after being so far away for so long. Coming home is special. Coming home for Christmas is pure bliss.

7. And finally, I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn and love each day. If I have failed today, I have faith that tomorrow I may wake up renewed and ready to try again.

XC Forever!

NCAA DIII Midwest Regionals

The 2011 cross country season has officially ended. I have a lot more time on my hands, but all I want to do is run! It has been such a blessing to run for Greenville, and the team has been my family. I am already looking forward to next fall so I can run faster and p.r.! And in the mean time, well, track will have to suffice…. :)

Note to self: Stop thinking and just believe.

I just read Mark Driscoll's take on Romans 9. It humbled me, a lot.

How can I approach God as if I am in control of my life? He is the Maker. He judges the fates of the creatures He has created. But the beautiful thing is, we can trust Him to take care of us! God is good, and God is love. Therefore I can trust Him to mold and shape my life into whatever He has planned for it. I have faith that I am in loving hands.

Check it out at http://pastormark.tv/ and be blessed! :)

Forever The Same

In the beginning, Lord, you laid the foundation of the earth

and made the heavens with your hands.

They will perish, buy you remain forever.

They will wear out like old clothing.

You will fold them up like a cloak

and discard them like old clothing.

But you are always the same; you will live forever.

Hebrews 1:10-12

college: tooo many commitments

yeah, but im also double majoring in environmentally biology as well as CCM, AND im running cross country AND im trying to have a shell of a social life. #allthingsthroughChrist

God only knows why i'm here, in illinois, and not somewhere else.

this, however, is not illinois, but its 45 mins away from where i live.

i cant stop

I'm listening to Hillsong right now, and it reminded me of last night's chapel. The music was Heavenly, and I was so lost in worshipping God- I didn't want it to end! I cant wait til we can endlessly worship Him, no cut off, no last song, FOREVER. Should be good.

Beautiful days on the Mediterranean

Cassis and Sète, France

AHHH I MADE IT!!

So after 24 hours of no sleeping I awoke for the first time in my dorm room, only waaay too early. For some reason, I'm having a Texas-big problem this time adjusting back to American hours. And, there is a monster wasp chilling on the wall right now and I am scared for my life right now. Cool. I'm excited to be here, not too stoked for the humidity & heat, but still, I am thankful.

Had an AMAZING last week in France with my brother- i heart backpacking. I will never ever forget swimming in the Mediterranean, visiting Les Calanques, staying inside Carcassonne inner-city, and camping in Provence. Had a blessed time with the bro :)

Almost There, Folks

Yesterday I realized that in less than 10 days I will be at Greenville College. I feel like I've been in France forever, but at the same time it's flown by. But I'm ready to move on. It's been amazing, a great time of growth, and total dependence on God, but the time has come to start that new season in life known as College. Ahh. im a college kid now, no money, no home, no nothing. Praise Jesus.

From Champfleuri to Les Sept Laux: 11 hour hike in Chaîne de Belledonne

I FINALLY got to visit La Tronche!

This is Grenoble.

A few highlights of this summer, so far

1. Running through the Washington D.C. mall with my brother, gazing up at the amazing monuments. My favorite would have to be the WWII memorial- it's truly a masterpiece.

2. Spending several days in Paris.

3. Visiting Hillsong Church in Paris. The service was joyful and inspiring. It did my heart good to see the French praising Jesus. Everything was translated from French to English, and they sang some songs in french, some in english. Many were from the new Hillsong album God is Able, so when I finally got my hands on the cd, I recognized the songs from the church. I must say, some sound better in French :)

After the service, we got to hang out with some young people from the church. We picked up some lunch from Subway and took it to a park (next to Victor Hugo's house) and enjoyed the fellowship of students from South America, Germany, and Switzerland who all spoke French as a second language. It was an amazing time and a perfect reminder that the body of Christ is an international entity, a worldwide reality.

4. I got to spend 3.5 days with wonderful friends in the lovely town of Annecy.

5. I got to play piano for a tiny church's worship service in a tiny town called Brignoud.

yeah thats all for now. but seriously, God is blessing me :)

On leaving home

I didn't think it would be this hard to move on. I really miss being comfortable and taken care of. I really miss my friends and family, and my dog. I really miss the sound of Medford rain and the car rides to Applegate and getting in trouble for talking too much in class. You can never go back. But God started something in me and you, and He won't stop what He's doing until it is perfect and complete. We won't be changed if we refuse to move forward in life. Here I am in the middle of France and I can say that I'm not who I was a year ago, or two months ago for that matter, and it's cuz God has taken me on a roller coaster of transformation. It hurts. Like when Aslan peels off Eustace's dragon skin, the first scratch cuts deep and wounds you. But I smile when i think of how God is making me more like Him every time I experience the pain of change. I feel like i've just begun a journey out of the valley and into the mountains. We don't see it now, I don't think we are able to, but Iknow that everything that happens is a step towards sanctification.

Praise Him.

My senior quote:

Will you come with me to the mountains? It will hurt at first, until your feet are hardened. Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows. But will you come?

- C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

It hurts to watch this movie, but in the end you're thankful you sat through it.

Some of the lyrics to Ice On Her Lashes fit the film Bright Star way too perfectly:

A lone woman stands in the turning December

She's got ice on her lashes, white at her winter coat

The trees stand like soldiers around her

Dutiful wooden curse

And the heart she feared frozen

Still beats and still marches on

Did you find it hard to breathe at first?

Were you wounded and in disbelief at how much it hurt?

Now the ache's still burning, but the world's still turning

Isn't it?

Oh, Annie

I still think of you each time I see the sun

Didn't want a life without you

But here I am living one

Did you see the moon tonight?

"On March 19, the moon will be the closest it has been to the Earth in 18 years..."

So, tomorrow, stick your head out the window and witness the majesty of God. As I was driving home tonight, I couldn't take my offs of it. I just kept staring at it. Dangerous, but worth the sacrifice of watching the road.

Psalm 89:37

It will be as eternal as the moon, my faithful witness in the sky!

I can't write poetry.

My english teacher gave us the assignment of composing a sonnet. This is what i came up with....

So here I sit with paper and with pen
Imagining the words I want to say.
Enchained by lines of syllables of ten,
Rebellious, my mind longs to break away.
Unable to express my heart's intent,
I heave a sigh as I begin to cry.
Frustration quickly turns into contempt;
I must wait for these emotions to die.
Just as the old proverb of patience states,
I must not give up on this sonnet yet.
Remembering how well patience placates
I shall forbear and not become upset.
For in due time the words will come to me,
Then all the world shall read my poetry.


i do wish i was better acquainted with the ways of writing poetry.......

My utmost moment of inspiration

In December i had the privelage of seeing Brooke Fraser play a show in San Fran. It was an amazing night. It rocked my world. She's so talented, but just watching her play her songs live brought a raw, organic feel to my perception of music. I was so inspired. Not in the 13-year-old "i wanna be a singer too" way. no, not a t'all. I dont know how to describe it other than telling you that, afterwards, I was dancing around in the middle of the streets, imagining how i would take on the world in my dreams, and how i would wake up the next morning and be a new person. A better person... because of that night. Oh, it was a good concert. I want to say it was life changing, but that would be too dramatic. I'll just say this: Brooke Fraser and her band of musicians are like Robin Hood and his merry band of sherwood. oh how i love them both.

Cheers!

A couple days ago i waved goodbye to my youth as it passed me by.... thats a really gross way of saying i turned 18. ha. But, i do feel like a heavy burden has been shoved on to my back, strapped on tight, never to leave: it must be responsibility. Yuck. But, at the same time, i shall warmly embrace independence. And since independence cannot really exist without responsibility, i plan to accept the package deal with a smile.

Meanwhile, I'm just trying to take in every minute of high school. It's speeding away, faster than a teenage girl can drive. I just want to enjoy it while it lasts.

And when its over, i'll move on to bigger, better, brighter, and more hopeful things =) Like following wherever in the world Jesus Christ leads me.

First stop, France.

Musical nights at Camp Bradley....

This Christmas break was pieced together by many precious moments with my family, especially my brother. He's so cool. I wanna be like him someday....

well not completely, but i do look up to him!