Covered

It's an exhausting lifestyle when I'm living to fulfill expectations- be it from myself or other people. It's like chasing the wind; I can't keep up. Somehow, no matter how many times I escape that way of living, I always fall back into it. A ruthless cycle.
But then a new day comes, and I wake up again and remember that there is only One who is worth living for, and he has one expectation: holiness. Ha. Try all I want, I will never be able to fulfill that expectation.
A sigh of relief, and I smile in disbelief. Jesus Christ has already soared above that single expectation. He flew beyond it. He surpassed "holiness" and plowed through "savior" and "conqueror."
You see, I can't live up to God's expectation of his creation. But I don't have to. He is pleased to look on Jesus' perfection and flawless purity and cover me with it as a blanket. In his eyes, I have already fulfilled the expectation because, when the king of the universe looks at me, he sees Jesus.

Throwback Thursday, literally

I made a To Do list upon arriving in Grenoble, and then completely forgot about it. But I found it today, just one week before I leave to go back to Oregon. I went into convulsions reading it because I cannot believe how many of these things I actually got done! A few things never happened, but most of it did! And the craziest part of it all is that most of it happened so much different than how I imagined it would when I originally wrote it down on this piece of paper. God is so funny. And he works everything out for his glory and our good.

Acts

I think that, out of all the words I know how to use in the English language, the word I say the least is "obedience." It literally hurts to say that word. Like I'm experiencing heartburn or choking. And now I realize why it's so uncomfortable to spit that word out! I don't like the idea of it. I like being in control, being my own boss, doing my own thing. But how can I say I follow Christ if I refuse to... obey him. ouch. It's so painful to admit it, but I don't like to obey. The concept of doing something just because someone told me to do it kills me. 

So yesterday I tried an experiment. Horrified with the realization that my heart is so rebellious towards God, I decided to act. The entire day I just listened for what the Spirit was asking me to do. And I was surprised because they were actions that I have the opportunity to carry out every day, but I just don't. But they were actions. So many times I view our Christian calling as intangible. It's all about blessing others, speaking words of hope, touching hearts. But yesterday when I deliberately decided to obey the voice of the Lord, I found myself doing things. I had to use my hands, my feet, my words, my money, my time. And it was incredible. The reward that follows is a peace that passes all understanding.

Imagination Is Insufficiant

A week ago, I had no idea what was in store for the days to come. Who knew that I would find a group from Couchsurfing.org to go outdoor bouldering with, learn to lead climb in a rock gym, do a via ferrata in the Alps, and then get to lead climb outdoors the next day. 

That life. I can't get enough of it. 

Not only did I do all of the above, but I did it all in the context of French. Which means all of the climbing and technical terms involved in the process were French words. And, in the moments where I was most terrified, I had to explain myself in French, because all of their words of advice and encouragement were in French. Yikes. Just imagine how fast that could go downhill if I mixed up my verbs and vocab. Praise the Lord, I'm alive.

All that to say.... this has been an incredible week! I am so grateful for the amazing opportunities and the cool people that God sent my way.

Le Petit Desert, Vercors

Via Ferrata de Saint Hilaire du Touvet, Chartreuse

Les Trois Poucelles, Vercors

Cheers to conquering our fears

Doors

When I pray for clarity, wanting God to shed light on a certain subject matter, I'm begging him to give a black and white answer. But sometimes I forget what exactly black and white entails. God could open the door wide open, making it obvious for me to step inside. But if he were to slam the door shut in my face, that is also a black and white answer. When God says no, he is being just as faithful to respond to my prayers. It's a funny thought, but for me it's hard to wrap my mind around.
Take today for example. I've been praying for a few weeks about whether or not I should stay longer in France. I had no idea if it was him calling me to actually stay longer, or if he was just testing my heart's willingness to obey in the event that he did ask me to stay. So I asked him to make it obvious what the next step was. And he did.
I visited the Prefecture's office today and they took one look at my visa and explained to me that I was given a "special" visa. My special visa does not allow for any prolongation and absolutely no exception can be made. I have to leave France before it expires and I cannot reenter France until I go back to the US and reapply for another titre de sejour.
So that's that. God slammed that door shut. Praise the Lord. Because the truth is he was faithful to answer me- when I asked for a black and white answer, he responded with just that!
And while I am left confused and feeling small, I have that sense of peace that supersedes my understanding.

Snapshot of my afternoon in the park

I came home from school today, exhausted as always, and there was only one thing I wanted to do. I grabbed my Bible and my (borrowed) guitar and headed to the park. I sat down in the grass and prayed it wouldn't pour down rain because I have no guitar case, and of course Jesus held it back for a few hours so I could play away. Lots of people would stop and listen, some would come sit by me, and a few came up to talk to me. I love the random things people say and do, it's one of the reasons I love life so much. And let me tell you, one of the few who stopped to talk left me laughing so hard I wanted to cry. It wasn't because he said anything humorous, it was the fact that our entire conversation from start to finish was so Jesus. And yes, parts were so awkwardly hilarious that I was dying inside, but in the end all I can say is that it was Jesus.

Now that I just described that in the most ambiguous way possible, let me say how it all went down. Note: this all happened in French, so know that this is my best effort at translation.

French dude rides up on his motorcycle, I'm just there sitting in the grass, strumming and singing away.

"Uhh... are you depressed?"

Me- "Excuse me?"

"Are you depressed? You know, sad?"

"No not at all! I'm actually really happy."

"Then how come you're all by yourself in the middle of a park playing guitar?"

"Well, because this is my favorite thing in the whole world to do."

"Do you write your songs?"

"Sure thing."

So he asks me to play one and I do. I told him I only sing in English and he told me he doesn't understand very much English at all. He really liked the song, and apparently, understood it too.

"I think it's about God being in control of everything, yeah?"

Me- "Exactly!"

For a moment he looks thoughtful. Then he just looks at me with a "hmmm" expression. I don't know how else to describe it, it's just a kind of face that French people make.

Then the usual. An invitation to go to a party, I tell him no thanks, he says, "Oh you don't go to parties?"

"Nope. Never, actually." 

"So you're not that kind of girl then?" 

"nope."

He looks impressed. Not impressed as in "woah!" but in the sense that the very thought left an impact on him.

"So I guess I won't get to see you again then?"
I smile. "Sorry."

"But I'm here all the time, I mean playing guitar in the park is my favorite thing to do, remember? So you'll probably see me around."

He looks doubtful, then smiles and says it was nice to meet you. He drives off, and well, I start laughing. So loud. 

I don't know why, but I just know that Jesus was there. I think that somehow, some way, said French dude did some soul searching in that moment. I was just happy to witness it.